A woman will remember how she was made to feel at the birth of her baby for as long as she lives. It is the most important day of her life without question. The process of being pregnant, and the rite of passage of delivering a baby is trans-formative, and it will change you for the rest of your life. The responsibility of bringing a life into the world, and how you choose to do it, is an incredible privilege and responsibility.
Every birth is different, and the fact that I had the privilege to witness a truly peaceful and empowering one is a thing I will never forget. The way in which a woman deals with the cards that are dealt to her is a tricky thing. One never knows how the birth of their baby will go, and even if she tries with all her might to deliver naturally, it sometimes doesn’t go as planned. It can leave a woman devastated, feeling she had failed at the task that only women can perform: delivering life. I knew, no matter what, Ali would be strong, and be able to handle whatever was thrown at her ( and I was right) even through the parts that were not ‘planned’ and the small glitches along the way . I want to tell the story of Ali’s labor and the birth of little Rowan, but I’m not sure it’s even within my territory. It’s such a sacred story… how a baby comes into this life, that is best told by the mama herself. Ali has her own blog, and I’m hoping that she’ll tell the story in her own words (hint hint!) and I will post the link here on my blog if she does. but I will say that Ali prepared for a natural childbirth, and prepared well. She did her homework and educated herself on her options beforehand, and it played a large part in her ability to endure a long labor. She had found a group of midwives practicing at a wonderful hospital in Madison. She had an amazing (seriously, i can not say enough good things about this girl, if i ever have a baby i want her there!) doula (also named Ali!) who supported both her and her husband throughout the entire process. She brought tools to help her focus- aromatherapy, power snacks, pictures of their pup to make it feel like home, Christmas lights and candles for low, soft lighting. She was not progressing very quickly and they started her on a pitocin drip. Even throughout the pitocin drip (which makes contractions almost unbearably painful in comparison to natural contractions which are almost unbearably painful themselves!) and throughout her slow dilating cervix, she powered through. No one offered drugs, and I think she only asked or mentioned it once. Even then, it was a very quiet “drugs?….” and we all said “oh no Al, you dont want that stuff. you’re doing it right now. you’ve got it. you can do this because you ARE doing it.”
But this… this is not my story to tell. It is hers, it belongs to her. My story is from the other end, the side where I’m witnessing the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen happen. Here is where it starts.
Ali and i have been friends since 7th grade. She was the first person I ever met when I moved to my new town, Hillsboro, Wisconsin. The midst of junior high is not an ideal time to move for a girl, and I was pretty much scared out of my skin. I knew one person, and one person only- Ali Peterson. As I walked into the school on the first day, I peaked into the window of another classroom and saw her there. She practically jumped out of her chair and started waving at me furiously. I knew right then and there I would be OK in this new strange place.
fast forward years…. I’m photographing (and being a bridesmaid) in her wedding
fast forward more years… I’m photographing Ali pregnant.
…And then forward to Monday morning at 6:30am. Dustin (my husband) walks into our bedroom and says “Ali just called… her water broke”. I’ve had my camera gear charged and ready to go for days by then, waiting for the call, hoping to find a flight and make it all the way across the country to photograph this little babe entering the world. We had long discussions about whether we should roll the dice or not, and weighing the options, but in the end we decided we might as well go for it. what had we to loose? worst case scenario I would miss all the action but still be able to photograph beautiful infant photography.
I packed my bags, didn’t bother to brush my teeth or take a shower; I just wanted to get there. I threw everything into a backpack, grabbed Pierson (my 4 month old baby)- I’d need to take him with me because I’m still breast-feeding, and also because I had no one to leave him with. My mom was watching my two year-old, but after just getting out of a knee replacement surgery, one child was more than enough for her to handle. This was definitely not how i normally handle photo sessions.
Excitement bubbled over as I wondered what would be in store for us. Would I make it in time? Lets see…. she’ll have already been in labor for 8 hours by then…
Would everything go as planned? Emergencies? I hoped not… Ali is the strongest person I know (other than my own mother) and if anyone could pull through, it was her. But even some things are beyond one’s control…
Two flights, a layover in Chicago, a slow taxi cab driver who did not understand the immanent need to get to the hospital FAST, I arrived to a beautiful hugely pregnant mama sitting on a birthing ball supported by her husband.
She was smiling and said hello… and I knew I was far, far, far, from being too late. Understanding the emotional signposts of labor I knew she was still in early labor if she could talk and smile. I had plenty of time. I sighed a huge sigh of relief, set my bags down and chatted for a minute until she had a contraction.
Hearing her tone through her contractions and sway on the birthing ball brought me right back to what it was like with Pierson. All those mixed emotions of knowing you’re going to meet your baby soon, being a bit nervous before each contraction because they are so painful, but also being happy because you knew that contractions were good and were getting you closer. The unknown feels like a big black tunnel at this point… you just dont know how much longer it’s going to last. There isn’t quite the light at the end of the tunnel just yet, and it can be a little…. overwhelming.
Ali was strong and confident through all of this.
In between photographing I was tending to Pierson. Ali and Dusty’s family were waiting out in the lobby and helped a tremendous amount with entertaining him while I was in the labor and delivery room. I ‘m so fortunate to have had them there…I’m not quite sure how I would have gotten along with holding a camera in one hand and a baby on the hip for that many hours. A couple hours I can do….. but it all gets a bit heavy after a while! Not to mention, another baby in the room doesn’t exactly help a pregnant laboring mama to concentrate on her own little peanut, and this was Ali’s day. The room was peaceful, it was her time to focus.
More pitocin was administered, Ali labored on, still not dilating very quickly. And then… all the sudden, she dilated from 6-10 in a half hour, and then it was go time. The first push… oh that first push! It is so exciting, so thrilling, the light at the end of the tunnel is there, you are actively helping this baby now… it is all so much better. I can not describe the feeling I had… almost like I wanted Ali to keep pushing for longer just so I could stay in that moment. Like the moment right before a storm, when the little hairs on the back of your neck stand straight up. Or like autumn, when the whole world feels like it’s preparing itself for the big winter. I love those feelings… the feelings of “right before”.
It was amazing to see the baby visibly progress. Every push brought her a little closer, and then she would recede back into her warm little home. With each push, more and more of her little head appeared and shouts of “hair! she’s got so much beautiful hair!” and “it’s an EAR! I see an EAR!” Cries of happiness and disbelief throughout the entire room were happening… as if we didn’t expect there to actually be a baby arriving; as if we had all prepared for, say, a pot luck dinner, instead of the birth of a baby. Her little head was out and she stayed suspended like that- suspended between her two worlds for just a moment, and then Ali persevered and delivered her into our world.
Even now, tears stream down my cheeks… it was so magnificent. I must have gone on auto-pilot with my camera… I’m still not sure how I was actually able to correctly take photographs. but at that moment I felt that…. no…. I knew that by pushing that shutter release I was going to help keep that moment, to save it, to return to it later. To hold it in my hands, to honor just how incredible those few seconds of life were. Those few seconds when a life takes it’s first breaths, sees her parents for the first time, knows that she is loved. To capture her parents at the moment their lives are changed forever, when they meet the most important person in the world. There is nothing more important in the world than those few seconds.
When I say I am honored to photograph… I mean it. It is not a cliche thing I say when people ask me to photograph their weddings, babies, births… it is the true voice of how I feel. Other than the births of my own two babies, that was the most incredible thing I have ever witnessed, and I know Dusty and Ali feel the same.
They have the most beautiful little girl, Rowan Priscilla, and I couldn’t possibly be more proud of Ali for persevering through all obstacles and becoming the most natural mama. Baby Rowan is going to have such an amazing life with parents like these…
I’m so full of happiness, love, and warmth for them.
I am so humbled and honored.
